Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Do You Smell Something Burning?

I have temporary relinquished my "bonehead-of-the-week" title to my sister. My brother-in-law called me on Sunday afternoon to tell me that my sister caught someone's hair on fire at church that morning. Apparently they all had candles for some kind of "hanging of the greens" ceremony. They were all standing and when they were told to be seated, the lady in front of her sat down quickly and her ponytail went right into my sister's candle. Oh to have that on videotape! So my sister starts smacking the ignited hair, and the lady turns around and says, "Is my hair on fire?" To which my sister responds, "Not anymore!"

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Signs You're Overdoing Thanksgiving

~ Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.
~ You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth's axis.
~ You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses.
~ Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of your chair.
~ The "Gravy Boat" your wife set out was a real 12' boat!
~ The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland.
~ Your "Old Elvis Super-Belt" won't even go around your waist.
~ You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail.
~ You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday.
~ Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy.
~ You have five TV sets side-by-side to catch all the football games.
~ That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn.
~ Your wife wears a life jacket at night in your waterbed.
~ Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice.
~ You consider gluttony as your patriotic duty.
~ It looks like the left-overs are gonna last until Christmas.

Woman to stock boy: "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

"No ma'am, they're dead"

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Stupid Church Signs

Faithful readers of this blog know that stupid church signs are a pet peeve of mine.
Lately I've been driving past a local church that has this gem on its sign:
Salvation guaranteed or your sins back.
For real. Do they really expect to appeal to the community with that lame message?
If you hate stupid church signs, you'll enjoy this website.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Big Weekend

We had a great "Missions Extravaganza" weekend at Cedar Creek. All 30 missions that we support were represented. We had several speakers & workshops on Saturday, with worship & preaching that evening. The morning assembly on Sunday began with a flag ceremony (a junior high kid carrying a nation's flag, with the missionaries serving in that country following him). Seeing all of them up front was quite a sight. Worship was wonderful and our guest preacher (Curt Nordhielm) did an outstanding job. After services, we all shared in a lunch and fellowship time together.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


Yes, I'm a little bummed out today because of the election results (although the guys I voted for here in Indiana did win). I do have a slight glimmer of hope though. Perhaps a Pelosi speakership and Democrat control of the house will ensure that the GOP will keep the Whitehouse in 2008. The Dems might get cocky and put Obama or the Hildebeest on the ticket, and they will be beaten like a rented mule.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Someone's Knockin' at the Door, Somebody's Ringin' the Bell

At 1:00am, the doorbell rang. It must have rung a few times before I finally heard it, because when I woke up, my son hollered, “Someone’s ringing the doorbell!”

I fumbled around for my robe and went downstairs. And the conversation went something like this:

Me: (through the door) – Who is it?
Him: County police
Me: (after opening the door and stepping onto the porch) Yes?
Him: What’s going on?
Me: Um, nothing.
Him: Are you supposed to be here?
Me: Yes sir.
Him: Then why did we get a call from your wife saying that you aren’t supposed to be here?
Me: What?!

About that time it must have dawned on him that I looked more like a groggy guy who had just been awakened from a dead sleep instead of a man involved in a heated domestic squabble.

Him: What’s the address here?
Me: 11125 Birky Drive
Him: Oh, I have the wrong house. Sorry to have bothered you.

I hope you had a better start to your day :-)

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Say What?

I don't know what church this is, but I don't think I want to be there on this Sunday.