Friday, April 21, 2006
Jack Bauer for Press Secretary
At 9:00pm, Mrs. Soren and I will be getting our weekly 24 fix. I stumbled across a funny blog about Jack Bauer replacing Press Secretary Scott McClellan. (Disclaimer: If you do not watch 24, this will not make much sense).
What better way to reign in the White House Press Corps than to install Jack Bauer as Press Secretary? Imagine Jack Bauer trying to sit still while Helen Thomas goes on one of her diatribes.Jack Bauer would put these prima donnas in their place...and do so in a timely manner (usually within 24 hours). If hooking Helen Thomas' jowls up to a car battery or making David Gregory swallow a towel would not get the White House Press Corps in line, nothing will.
Top 10 Changes Jack Bauer Would Bring to the White House Press Corps
10. Positive stories about Bush increase 145% in his first hour alone.
9. Five moles weeded out of press corps by Bauer.
8. Ask a stupid question; get hooked up to the sensory deprivation device.
7. Podium replaced with bullet-proof barrier with gun ports.
6. All press conferences last an hour, with all tough questions coming at 45 minutes past the hour.
5. By the end of a press conference, a minimum of 34 people would have been killed.
4. "No comment" replaced by "We don't have time for that question".
3. Gary Bauer mistakenly showed up to a press conference, once.
2. All comments will be yelled.
1. Blogs4Bauer starts to live-blogs press conferences.