These are worthy of Bill Engvall’s
Here’s Your Sign comedy routine. They come courtesy of my Uncle Greg.
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old, still working fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50". The next day someone stole it.
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want thesun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" . . .
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving.
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
While working at a Pizza Parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
Yep, they walk among us. And reproduce!
We finally made it to the DeKalb County Fair (sometimes called the Auburn Free Fair). Saw the sights and ate some great junk food last night. It was a perfect Indiana Autumn evening. This morning I returned and met my friends Frank Weller and Erick Riddle at the Bar None Saddle Club (where the Butler Church of Christ serves up a yummy breakfast -- read more here).
Tonight we kick off the re-boot of our Wednesday Night services. We have added several new classes for children and youth. And the adults will be meeting for worship, prayer, and a time of "deeper" biblical teaching. This will be preceded by a prepared meal. A couple of ladies came up with the idea of having an Iron Chef contest between the Adult Bible Fellowship classes. Each class will have an Iron Chef who leads the team in preparing a great meal for us. At the end of the 12-week session, the church will vote for the Ultimate Iron Chef (who will be awarded an engraved Chef's Knife).
My plans:
Tracy and I are enjoying the celebration of our 20th wedding anniversary at Macinac Island, Michigan. I'm blogging from the business center of the Grand Hotel. This place is awesome! The movie Somewhere in Time was filmed here in 1979 (which happened to be when I first visited the island with my family). We are staying in Macinaw City (yes, either spelling is correct) at a place called the Lamplighter Motel. Going to bike around the island after lunch. More later...
My staff and I will be attending the local simulcast of the Leadership Summit over the next couple of days. We have done so for the last couple of years. There is usually some good stuff presented. I'm looking forward to hearing Andy Stanley and Jim Collins.
Enjoyed The Northmen last week. But boy was it HOT! I'm a Michigan boy and I don't remember it ever being so hot, especially so far north. It was in the high 90's for a couple of days. When we arrived at the camp, we couldn't find the guys from our church. They were all down at the creek, sitting in their lawn chairs (in the creek), trying to cool off. Tuesday night, a fierce storm came through and cooled things off (a little).I enjoyed hearing Mark Scott preach. He did a great job (as usual). Also enjoyed fellowship with Tony Sullivan, David Jones, and a lot of GLCC alums.
ma City [Fla.], asked me about the differences between Democrats and Republicans. ‘I asked her, “Are you for peace, or do you want more war?” Then I asked her, “Do you favor government helping the rich, or should it seek to help the poorest members of society. Do you want to preserve the environment, or do you want to destroy it? Do you believe this nation should engage in torture, or should we condemn it? Do you think each child today should start life responsible for $28,000 in [federal government] debt, or do you think we should be fiscally responsible?” ‘I told her that if she answered all of those questions, that she believed in peace, aiding the poor and weak, saving the environment, opposing torture,…then I told her, ‘You should be a Democrat.’”
Probably won't be blogging for awhile. We're leaving Monday for Hillsboro, Ohio. I will be preaching at Family Camp on Thursday night. I have a lot of fond memories of Family Camp. We've only missed a few times over the past 19 years. When I was a newbie preacher, Hillsboro had a huge impact on me. And I have made many friends there over the years.
