Jack Facts

In doing some deeply spiritual research for my new 24 series, I came across the following:

• If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12"


• When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun


• Nobody says 'hit me' when Jack Bauer deals Blackjack


• If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life


• Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men


• Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape
• If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer


• Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away


• Jack Bauer once arm wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants


• When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer"


• Jack Bauer is allowed to leave his phone on during a movie


• Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30


• Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk


• If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.


• Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.


• Jack Bauers calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.


• Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.


• Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.


• Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.