Friday, March 02, 2007

Jack Facts

In doing some deeply spiritual research for my new 24 series, I came across the following:

  • If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12"

  • When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun

  • Nobody says 'hit me' when Jack Bauer deals Blackjack

  • If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life

  • Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men

  • Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape
  • If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer

  • Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away

  • Jack Bauer once arm wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants

  • When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer"

  • Jack Bauer is allowed to leave his phone on during a movie

  • Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30

  • Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk

  • If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

  • Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

  • Jack Bauers calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

  • Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

  • Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

  • Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

1 comment:

Keith Wood said...

I think Jack Bauer is the new Chuck Norris. They did those same lines about Chuck. Thing is though, Chuck Norris really could kick butt, whereas Kiefer Sutherland, well let's just say he ain't no Chuck Norris. (Good actor though, and yes 24 still is the most adrenaline pumping show on TV).