Vacation in the Old Dominion

We're vactioning in Hampton, Virginia (where we lived and ministered for 12 years). No real agenda or big plans other than visiting with old friends and some family. We will be worshipping at our old church. Meeting my old buddy David Willis for lunch at one of our old haunts, the Rocky Mount Bar-B-Que House.

Mr. T and Jesus

Last night I was channel surfing (which doesn't take long since after our household "cable-ectomy", we only have five channels) and I stumbled upon the religious station. I heard a familiar voice. Sure enough it was Mr. T (yeah, the "I pity the fool" guy). He was really fired up. He was ranting/preaching/talking on Clifton Davis' (from the old sitcom "Amen") show. He went off on a tangent about the DaVinci Code and how Christians have made Dan Brown a multi-millionaire. And he sounded like a total moron. "DaVinci didn't die for you (fool)! What's Mona Lisa got to do with anything?" It was a hoot!

Davis looked really uncomfortable when Mr. T started going off (which is really saying something because he has nutburgers on his show all the time). I was just waiting for Mr. T to say, "I pity the fool who won't give his life to Jesus."After a while, Mrs. Soren came in and said, "WHAT are you watching?" Now that's some quality entertainment!

I Am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N

Brian Jones posted an article on the Christian Church Today website (I’m guessing that it might appear in the Christian Standard at some point).

I appreciate his emphasis on what it really means to be a “disciple” of Jesus, but I think he overstates his case about the term “Christian.” What really honked me off was this sentence: “But it was a nickname non-believers gave us, and for some reason it unfortunately stuck.” Huh? If the Acts 11:26 passage (‘they were first called Christians at Antioch") was all that we had, his statement about it being a nickname of questionable origin might have a little validity (although it would still be speculative). But what about 1 Peter 4:16? “If you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name.” Praise God that we bear an unfortunate nickname that was given to us by unbelievers? I don’t think so.

What is with these guys who are writing for our brotherhood publications these days? They seem to have forgotten that some of us have actually studied the Bible and we can recognize a liberal load of touchy-feely, pragmatic crap when we see it.

Can I Get an "Amen"?

I'm preaching a series on the 10 Commandments. Yesterday was, "Do not commit adultery." But I turned it around and took a more positive approach, "Keep Sex Sacred." It was definitely a PG-13 (at least) message. Very blunt (but tasteful). Anyway, I got more positive comments about it than I have received from any sermon I've preached here. But here's the kicker: Most of them came from elderly women! Go figure.

A few memorable lines:

• "In the Garden, Adam and Eve had sex. Lots of it!"
• "Sex was God's idea. Yep, He thought it up! He created some of the parts of our anatomy for only one purpose -- pleasure!"
• (when talking about how men should starve their eyes) -- "But ladies, when it's time to look, let him look! You might say, 'Well, I don't like my body', but that's not what matters, what matters is the fact that he likes it. And trust me, he does."
• "I believe that, biblically speaking, the key to a healthy and vibrant marriage is frequent and passionate sex."

After church Luke said, "Dad, you said the word 'sex' WAY TOO MUCH today."

At least the teens paid attention for once!

I Wish I Had Said That

Patrick Mead is the Preaching Minister at the Rochester (MI) Church of Christ. I enjoy reading his blog (his other blog can be found here). Recently he posted about some disgruntled church members and the legacy we all we leave:

Leave a Hole

Warning: I can be a very blunt individual. It may indicate a lack of kindness, but I hope that isn't the case. I prefer to think of it as one individual defined diplomacy: "warfare by other means." This column about children, church, and Christians might seem harsh... but I'm writing it anyway!

A couple was furious with our church. We had gone to see what happened to them after someone noticed they'd been gone from our worship assembly for some time. "We aren't coming back," the husband said. "That is an unloving, cold church that claims to care about people but doesn't." I asked him on what basis he made that judgment and he replied, "We were gone four weeks from that church before anyone there even noticed. What kind of church doesn't even notice something like that?"

I replied, "What kind of person are you, that you could be gone for four weeks and the no one in the church could tell?" They were shocked by this 'attack' so I pressed on. "What work suffered because you stopped your ministry? What mission work ground to a halt because you withdrew your funding, prayers and support? Could it be -- just imagine with me a moment -- could it be that you never really were a part of the church? Could that be why your departure was unnoticed?"

I tell people -- and mean it -- that the Rochester Church is the warmest, friendliest, and most talented congregation I have ever worked with... but we don't make it easy to be a member here. All who come to be a part of us are called into the ministry and work of this body. They are expected to give and live as disciples, to be deeply involved in our work, and to be available to any other member who needs prayer or backup.

Kami and I built this into our children at an early age. As I have written before, we would often end the day with two questions: "Where did you see Jesus today?" and "What did you do for Jesus today?"

Let me rephrase this: make your life necessary. When you die, as we all will, you can either fill a hole or leave it. Your choice. I have no interest in filling a hole. I have a great interest in leaving one. Make you life something that gives, serves, and leads in such a way that when you are gone, it matters!!! I ask my staff and my children -- but mostly I ask myself -- "what difference did it make that you lived today? In what way did you do something that would have remained undone without you? Did your life matter today?"

Did you pray for someone fervently? Did you sacrifice some money or pleasure for another's benefit? Did you offer kindness and courtesy to someone everybody else ignored? Did you look for those who have been robbed and beaten by life and offer to them everything you had to help them as did the Samaritan?

People ask me how we raised our daughter to be such a sweet, dedicated, serving Christian and how we raised our son to be a noble, honorable, courageous man who is headed towards the officer's ranks in the Marine Corps. We challenged them to make each day an opportunity to make their life count. My son has written extensively on why he is going to serve in the uniform of the Corps. I will not quote that extensively here, but the gist of it is that everyone lives, but not everyone matters. Everyone dies, but most never lived for something bigger than themselves first.

And everybody fills a hole at death, but not everybody leaves one.

Tragedy Upon Tragedy

I can't stop thinking about the parents of a college student who was killed last month. A semi-truck driver fell asleep and crashed into a vanload of Taylor University (a local Christian College) students. Five people were killed. The coroner screwed up and sent one of the survivors to the wrong family, while another grief stricken family buried a girl whom they thought was their daughter. It's hard to explain -- you can read about it here.

So the one family is experiencing incredible joy, realizing that their daughter is, in fact, alive. While the other one is devastated, realizing that the one at whose bedside the have been standing is not even their daughter.

Happy Anniversary!

One year ago today I made my first post on this blog. Man, time really flies. Thanks to my faithful readers (all three of you).

Basebrawl Season

Fox Sports had a Top Ten List of Baseball's Best Brawls. I remember several of these, but I think there could have been many more listed. What about the brawls between the Yankees and Royals in the late 70's? Or the time the Cubs and Reds mixed it up for 30 minutes (mid 80's I think). What are some good ones that you remember?

All Gave Some, Some Gave All

We remember! Freedom is never free!

Soul Patrol!

Taylor Hicks is the new American Idol. Way to go! Although you can make a good case for Chris or Elliott being as good or better than Taylor, you have to be happy for the guy. During auditions, Simon didn't even want to let him advance, saying, "He would never make it."
Katherine has a good future ahead of her too. McPheever will burn hot for a long time.

Brought to You By the Letter W

The other day, Mrs. Soren and I were having a fascinating discussion about the alphabet (yes, we have no life). She made the observation that all of the letters have one syllable, except for the letter W, which has three syllables. Then she wondered aloud how each letter would be spelled. Ever the wisenheimer, I said, “A, B, C, D, etc.” Eventually we got to the letter W. And I learned that we pronounce it differently. That is, I pronounce it correctly. She says “double-you” and I say “dubba-you” (sing the song and you will probably agree with me). So I called my sister in Texas to settle the argument (I don’t know why I chose her). She said, “Dubba-you. Duh!” But we did go to the same school, after all. Never one to admit defeat so readily, Mrs. Soren called her Aunt (a teacher with a Master’s Degree from Central Michigan University). She said, “Double-you. Duh!” Then she looked it up online. Refdesk.com proved her point. But I still think I’m right.

Has It Been 30 Years?

My friend Mark Christian sent me this link. It has been 30 years since Rick Monday prevented a couple of long-haired, dope-smoking, commie schmucks from burning the American Flag in center field at Dodger Stadium. Y'all remember that, don't you?

Have a Great Weekend Everybody!

This made me smile.

Jung People...Question

One of my professors used to query us, and often began with the phrase, “Young people,…question.”

Reggie McNeal, in his book Practicing Greatness, suggests that church leaders need to be asking better questions these days:

Wrong question: How do we “do church” better?
Right question: How do we “be church” better? Or how do we deconvert from churchianity” (institutional religion) to Christianity (the movement)?

Wrong question: How do we grow this church?
Right question: How do we serve this community?

Wrong question: How do we develop ministers for the church?
Right question: How do we develop missionaries to the culture?

Wrong question: How do we develop church members?
Right question: How do we develop followers of Jesus?

Wrong question: How do we plan for the future we see?
Right question: How do we prepare for the future God sees?

Wrong question: How do we develop leaders for church work?
Right question: How do we develop leaders for the Christian movement?

I think he's on to something.

A Glutton for Punishment

You'd think that after 30 years of being a Cubs fan, I would learn my lesson. But hope springs eternal, and each Spring I think, "Maybe this is the year." Like Charlie Brown hoping that, "This time Lucy won't pull the ball away at the last second", I buy into the idea that they can be winners. Last month when they were 6 or 7 games over .500, I got my hopes up, but I kept reminding myself that it's only April. Now they have dropped 14 out of their last sixteen. "Will the lady who left her nine children at the concession stand please report to the general office. They are beating the Cubs 7-2."

Rodney King, Where Art Thou?

Remember when Rodney King said, "Can't we just get along?"? That seems to be the hermeneutic de jour in the brotherhood these days. Mark Taylor's editorial in this week's Christian Standard is so weak, I can't believe that it ever went to press. You can read my letter to the editor here.

Say It Ain't So!

I heard this news story this morning. MLB players are going to use pink bats on Sunday to raise awareness of breast cancer. Now, I'm sure that this is a good cause, but PINK BATS? Ugh!
I can't imagine Joe Dimaggio, Mickey Mantle, Pete Rose, George Brett, Rod Carew, Ryne Sandberg, Ted Williams, Thurman Munson, or Stan the Man EVER using a pink bat.

What planet are we on?

714

714. Dan Patrick says it's the most recognizable number in all of sports. 714. It's the number of home runs that Babe Ruth hit. Nobody remembers the exact number of games Cal Ripken played (a lot!). And who remembers the number of hits that Pete Rose had? Or how many wins Nolan Ryan recorded. But 714 homers for the bambino. We all remember that (even though Hank Aaron eclipsed it over three decades ago). And now Barry Bonds is soon to pass the Babe as well. But does it count? Should Bonds receive the accolades even though his dingers were produced, in part, because of steroids? A fan in Philly waved a great banner last week: Babe Ruth did it on Hot Dogs and Beer.

Fort Wayne sportswriter Ben Smith says that Bud Selig is making the right call by not recognizing Bonds' "achievement" when it happens. I think he's right. Maybe nobody will fuss too much about Bonds passing the Babe, but if/when he starts to get close to Hank, it's gonna get ugly.

The Lord's Name in Vain

I'm preaching this week on the third commandment ("Don't take the Lord's name in vain"). My research on it has been very interesting. Most of us who have been brought up in the church were taught that the command referred to using God's name as a curse word, but the command extends far beyond that.

Rick Atchley suggests that we can misuse God's name in a number of ways:

• as a curse
• as an exclamation point
• as a weapon
• as a cliche
• as an endorsement

A couple of good articles can be found here and here.

Another blogger (an agnostic, but I thought his points were good) wrote this: Mortals cannot call upon God to cast a spell or to place a curse on any individual / object / situation / etc., such as is believed to be desirable or possible in some non-Christian traditions. To call upon God to curse or damn a person or situation on one's own behalf is therefore a futile and vain (for or about one's self ) action and to do so is equivalent to an attempt at usurping God's power. Given that the Judeo-Christian God referenced in the commandments is considered to be more powerful than the gods of other faiths ("put no other gods before me" is clearly a recognition of other gods), many of whom (according to those doctrines) can be manipulated for one's own purposes, it is considered an insult to the Biblical God to attempt it.

My Mom was kind of the "Third Commandment Cop" at our house. Sometimes my sisters would have a friend over who might say, the offending phrase ("oh my God"), and my mom would correct them. One time, after hearing a girl say it, Mom said, "we don't talk like that in this house." When her mother came to pick her up, she told her mom what had happened. The woman rebuked her daughter, exclaiming, "Blankety blank it, I've not you not to talk that blankety blank way." Unbelievable!

WWJD?

I have many pet peeves (I can go all "Andy Rooney" when the mood strikes). But I recently discovered a new pet peeve. It's when people played the WWJD card. You remember the "What Would Jesus Do?" craze from a few years ago. I suppose this is a good question to ask sometimes. But should we always use Jesus as the model for what to do or not to do? One time I heard a preacher railing against the evils of smoking. He final argument? "Bless your heart, Jesus didn't smoke!" While I generally think that smoking is a bad idea, when one starts citing Jesus' participation (or non-participation) in a given activity, it's usually a sign that he has run out of good arguments. Now my friend David Willis and I will quote the "bless your heart, Jesus didn't smoke" line whenever we hear someone heading down this illogical path. Bless your heart, Jesus didn't eat ice cream, watch television, or use indoor plumbing. Does that mean I shouldn't?

Alma Mater

Yesterday I attended a meeting at Great Lakes Christian College. I must be getting old, because college students look so young to me. Anyway, it was a gorgeous day, and the campus was beautiful. It's always enjoyable to see some old friends.

What I'm Reading

Last night I started reading Mark Driscoll's book Confessions of a Reformission Rev. It's the story of Mars Hill Church in Seattle. (By the way, how many more churches are going to be called Mars Hill? -- You can always spot a non-conformist, they all look alike).

He did admit that the name is stupid (kinda): In retrospect, the name of our church is kind of dumb and sounds more like a cult than a church, which, sad to say, actually benefits us in a city where words like Jesus and Christian are far more offensive than four-letter cusswords.

A couple of other gems:

What my college students needed was to mentor high school students and hang out with singles who had phased from college into the work world and married couples who had learned what kind of person to be and to marry to make a family work. What they did not need was to hang out with the same immature yahoos they spent all of their time playing "pull my finger" with anyway and going to a free event that was like day care for twenty-one-year-old hormonally enraged porn addicts and video game aficionados trying to stretch junior high into the retirement years.

Our rotating cast of worship leader tryouts ranged from screaming punk rockers -- to this day I have no idea why they were so dramatically depressed -- to the kind of happy-clappy Christian praise musicians that youwould expect to find playing on a karaoke machine at a Christian home school co-op reunion for kids whose moms made their clothes.

More Church Signs

So I'm driving around yesterday and I read the following real messages on church signs:

Aspire to Inspire Before You Expire

1 Cross + 3 Nails = 4given

For All You Do...His Blood's For You

What are these people thinking? And they wonder why the world thinks that Christians are a bunch of whacked-out nutburgers.

The Pope, The President, and The Media

The Pope is visiting Washington, D.C., and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac, sailing on the Presidential yacht, the Sequoia. They're admiring the sights when, all of a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water.

Secret Service guys start to launch a boat, but President Bush waves them off, saying, "Wait, wait. I'll take care of this. Don't worry."

Bush then steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water and walks out to the little hat, bends over picks it up, then walks back to the yacht and climbs aboard. He hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.

The next morning, the headlines in the New York Times, Boston Globe, Atlanta Constitution, Washington Post, Boston Herald, Buffalo News, Houston Chronicle, Milwaukee Sentinel-Journal, Minneapolis Tribune, Denver Post, Albuquerque Journal, Los Angeles Times and San Francisco Chronicle all proclaim:

"Bush Can't Swim"

Jack Bauer for Press Secretary

At 9:00pm, Mrs. Soren and I will be getting our weekly 24 fix. I stumbled across a funny blog about Jack Bauer replacing Press Secretary Scott McClellan. (Disclaimer: If you do not watch 24, this will not make much sense).

What better way to reign in the White House Press Corps than to install Jack Bauer as Press Secretary? Imagine Jack Bauer trying to sit still while Helen Thomas goes on one of her diatribes.Jack Bauer would put these prima donnas in their place...and do so in a timely manner (usually within 24 hours). If hooking Helen Thomas' jowls up to a car battery or making David Gregory swallow a towel would not get the White House Press Corps in line, nothing will.

Top 10 Changes Jack Bauer Would Bring to the White House Press Corps
10. Positive stories about Bush increase 145% in his first hour alone.
9. Five moles weeded out of press corps by Bauer.
8. Ask a stupid question; get hooked up to the sensory deprivation device.
7. Podium replaced with bullet-proof barrier with gun ports.
6. All press conferences last an hour, with all tough questions coming at 45 minutes past the hour.
5. By the end of a press conference, a minimum of 34 people would have been killed.
4. "No comment" replaced by "We don't have time for that question".
3. Gary Bauer mistakenly showed up to a press conference, once.
2. All comments will be yelled.
1. Blogs4Bauer starts to live-blogs press conferences.

Keith Hernandez

I've never been a big Keith Hernandez fan (I hate the Mets), but an incident that occurred this weekend (and the backlash in the press because of it) is just another example of political correctness run amok. The following story has been on multiple websites and ESPN Radio.


Keith Hernandez apologized Sunday for inappropriate comments he made Saturday night about San Diego's massage therapist Kelly Calabrese.

After Mike Piazza's second-inning home run Saturday, SportsNet New York's camera focused on Calabrese, who was in the dugout wearing a Padres camouflage uniform. "Who is the girl in the [Padres] dugout?" Hernandez asked Gary Cohen, his play-by-play partner. "... I thought she was Morganna [Cottrell, "The Kissing Bandit"] for a minute, but she was a blond."

Cohen wondered if Calabrese's presence in the dugout could have something to do with "Military Night" at Petco Park. Hernandez said Calabrese was with the training staff. Cohen said that a woman trainer in the major leagues is "progressive."

"I won't say women belong in the kitchen. But they don't belong in the dugout," Hernandez said.
Cohen warned there could be "trouble brewing" after that commentary. "I'm only teasing," Hernandez said. "I love you gals out there. I always have."

In the fifth inning, Hernandez returned to the subject of Calabrese, who again was on camera. He referred to his second-inning commentary and elaborated on it. "I stand by those statements. I think this is a man's game and I feel very strongly about it," Hernandez said. "And if anybody thinks when I made that comment about women being in the kitchen, and takes it seriously, well, get a sense of humor."

SportsNet New York officials were not laughing. Sources said Hernandez was reprimanded after the game by SNY executive producer Curt Gowdy Jr. That led to Sunday's apology during the second inning of the Mets-Padres game.


A couple of comments:

1. What do you expect when you have a former ballplayer from the 70's-80's broadcasting your games? These guys are not exactly famous for their sensitivity and appropriate behavior.

2. Why does EVERYBODY have to jump on the "tsk, tsk" bandwagon? I have a feeling that there are LOTS of ballplayers who do not wish to have women in the dugout/lockeroom.

3. Don't we still have the right to free speech in this country?

Church Signs

Church signs are interesting things. Sometimes I wonder what the church is trying to communicate. Few things can make a congregation seem more out-of-touch, corny, judgmental, or redneck than an inappropriate message on its sign. Johnny Leckie has a great post about this. I shudder when I think of the stupid messages that I have put up over the years. But then I will drive by some church in the area and read its sign and think, "At least I never posted anything that stupid or offensive or cheesy."

Leckie has a follow-up post here. The following are some of his suggestions:

The obvious:

• Update your church sign regularly.
• Keep your church sign clean.
• Keep your church sign maintained - change the bulbs when they go out on the day they go out, trim the weeds, etc.
• If your sign is faded and weathered looking (Unless that's part of the design) it's time to replace parts or it's time for a new sign.

The apparently not-so-obvious:

• Determine who your sign is for and write for them. (Hint - If it's for your church only, send them a newsletter instead.)
• Think of your sign as a 24/7 personal billboard for your church, because that is exactly what it is. It is a "front door" to the community that tells them what's "inside."
• Think through how you will be received/perceived/heard by the people driving by. Ask, "What do we want to communicate about our church? Will it attract? Will it help create interest in what's happening at your church.
• Do not use the internet to come up with clever sayings to put on your sign.
• Do not use a "church sign book" to come up with clever sayings to put on your sign.
  Come to think of it, do not use clever sayings at all...It's like the person who tries to tell a joke that's already been told a million times and wasn't really funny the first time. They are usually tired, worn out and corny. And really, do you want to be known as the "clever sayings" church, anyway?
• Do not "slam the evil doers" on your church sign. You'll just reinforce the negative, judgmental stereotype impression that most people have about churches, anyway.
• Assume that everyone who sees your church sign has never been to church before. You don't have to "dumb down" to do this, just leave out the words and phrases that only church people would understand.
• It's ok to be funny, but you'd better really be funny. Get lot's of feedback on something you think is funny before you put it on your sign. Ask people who don't go to your church. Generally, humor that smashes stereotypes about church are better than things like, "CH_ _ RCH - What's Missing? U. R."

American Greed on Display

Have you guys seen this? The network plays it up big-time to increase the drama, but in the end it is simply people trying to go home rich. I love it when they get greedy and wind up with $25.....

You Might As Well Face It, You're Addicted to Lost

Thanks to Netflix, Mrs. Soren and I were able to watch all the seasons of Alias (over several months) -- getting hooked on the show immediately. Although we noticed that the show was starting to "jump the shark" during season four (when J.J. Abhrams was giving more attention to his new show Lost). This year (season five), Alias has taken a long hiatus, although it's coming back on Wednesday night to finish out the season, and then say "good-bye."

So then we got hooked on 24. We watched all of the seasons, catching up to the present (it's on tonight). But last night, we started watching Lost (several of our friends have raved about it). Saw the first four episodes and now we can't wait for the next DVD to arrive from Netflix.

Any other Lost fans out there?

Resurrection Sunday

I am still pumped up about yesterday. It was fantastic! We did a sunrise service at 6:30. About 120 people in our old auditorium. It was very traditional. We sang the old Easter hymns. It reminded me of my growing up years in my little home church. That was followed by a breakfast. Then we had our regular services. Since we did the traditional thing at sunrise, we really cranked it up in the other services. The band was really on, and with about 150 more people than usual, the increased energy was noticeable (we had our third highest attedance ever). We sang Famous One, My Redeemer Lives, Shout to the Lord, Agnus Dei. We showed the That’s My King video clip (it can be viewed at sermonspice.com) and our lily white church got into it much more than I thought they would -- in fact, I got more postive comments about that than the sermon! A couple of our older teen girls did a great rendition of Nicole C. Mullen’s Redeemer (Joel "Botox Boy" Osteen doesn't have anythig on us). I preached on “What Difference Does Easter Make?” Then we closed out with You Are my All in All and Days of Elijah.

But the real highlight was at the end of second service when a couple came forward. They have been attending Cedar Creek for over a year. We have been trying to win him to the Lord. He has been a tough nut to crack because his Dad is a Lutheran minister (so he has really wrestled with the baptism thing). But we have loved and encouraged them, and yesterday they decided to obey the Gospel. But I had no idea they were coming, so I was stunned & excited and trying not to get verklempt. But there were not many dry eyes in the house. Yay God!

An Oldie But a Goodie

I tried to post this a few days ago, but I was having problems with Blogger. It makes me laugh every year.

Concert Report

JT can still sing and play, but the dude is a GEEZER. He looks like a cross between a very old Dick Alexander and Homer Simpson's boss.

Concert was good, although we were literally at the back of the theatre in the top row (and the guy who got our tickets got them online 10 minutes after they went on sale -- I guess the place sold out in record time).

It was nice to see a legend, but after a while some of his songs start to sound alike (although he did a funky, bluesy version of Steamroller that was great). He is really funny though. His humor is very dry and understated.

His voice was great. And he did all the hits (except for Handyman and Your Smiling Face).

James Taylor

Going to hear James Taylor in concert tonight (another "unofficial" site can be found here).
I've listened to JT's music for years, but this will be the first time seeing him "live."

Now That's a Letter to the Editor

This letter was in the local paper yesterday.



Keep lawbreakers because they work?
Recently, large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is – finally – addressing the issue of illegal immigration. Certain people are angry that the U.S. might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.

Let’s say I break into your house. Let’s say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave.

“But,” I say, “I’ve made all the beds, washed the dishes, done the laundry and swept the floors; I’ve done all the things you don’t like to do. I’m hard-working and honest (except for when I broke into your house).”

According to the protesters, not only must you let me stay, you must add me to your family’s insurance plan and provide other benefits to me and my family (my husband will do your yardwork because he, too, is hard-working and honest, except for that breaking-in part).

If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends, who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my right to be there. It’s only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do and I’m just trying to better myself. I’m hard-working and honest – um, except for – well, you know.

And what a deal it is for me. I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there’s nothing you can do about it without being accused of selfishness, prejudice and being anti-housebreaker.

Did I miss anything? Does this sound reasonable to you?
If it does, grab a sign and go picket something. If this sounds insane to you, call your senators and enlighten them because they are stumbling in the darkness right now and really need your help.

LINDA MYERS Fort Wayne

Way To Go Lefty!

Congrats to Phil Mickelson on winning his second Masters in three years. Being a lefty myself, I enjoy watching him (although I couldn't play like him in a million years). I did feel bad for Fred Couples blowing those putts and letting a chance to give Phil a run for his money slip away.

I like Phil. However, being the cynic that I am, I have to wonder if a goober like Phil would have ended up with such an attractive wife (and thus, some really cute kids) if he were not a multi-millionaire golf superstar.

Not Only Will You CBS, You Might Hear Some Too

Katie Couric announced that she will become the anchor of the CBS Evening News. Our friends at the Media Research Center have been kind enough to compile a sampling of Katie's unbiased quality reporting.

We can all rest assured that Dan Rather's legacy will continue.

Courage.

I'm Shocked!

From the Mercury News

And they thought it would last ... a few months longer, at least.
If those lovebirds Eminem and Kim Mathers can't keep it together, what hope do the rest of us have? In what has to be the most surprising relationship news since Brangelina confessed they weren't just friends, the rapper filed for divorce Wednesday -- three months after he and Kim remarried.

Eminem's publicist Dennis Dennehy confirmed that Eminem, whose real name is Marshall Bruce Mathers III, filed the papers Wednesday.

The Grammy- and Oscar-winning rapper and Kim Mathers remarried Jan. 14, a month after the couple announced they were getting back together. Their first marriage ended after two-plus years in October 2001 in an ugly legal fight that included a custody battle over their daughter, Hailie.

Then he wrote some songs about her being a bad mother, stuffing her body in a trunk ... you know, typical break-up stuff. Then he changed his mind. Now he's changed his mind again.
Eminem, 33, and his high school sweetheart, Kim, 30, reconciled in late 2004, and he announced in December 2005 they were back together.

Last August, it was announced that Eminem had entered a hospital to undergo treatment for sleep medication dependency. A month earlier, he denied reports that he was preparing to retire from recording. Come on, Eminem. We're rooting for you to get back to your old obnoxious, mean, unusually-angry-for-a-famous-millionaire self.

American Idol

Good-bye Mandisa! Too bad -- that girl could sing. Props for blessing everybody in the name of Jesus. I just love to see the stunned looks on the faces of people like Ryan Seacrest when people drop the J-bomb on live television.

And what's with Kenny Rogers? Good thing the judges weren't allowed to comment on him. And he should get his money back from his plastic surgeon. Unless he was actually going for the Dennis Hopper look.

Next week they sing the music of Queen. Wouldn't it be funny if the person who gets voted off is the one who does Another One Bites the Dust?

Beware: If You Try To Repress The Crazy Clown-Hair Lady, She'll Hit You With Her Cell Phone And Call You A Racist!

I first heard about this incident on Sean Hannity's radio show, but I got the following commentary off another blog.

"This whole incident was instigated by the inappropriate touching and stopping of me, a female black congresswoman," Mrs. McKinney said during a press conference last week at Howard University. "I deeply regret that this incident occurred, and I am certain that after a full review of the facts, I will be exonerated." No apology, no admission of wrongdoing, no praise for the police officers that protect her. Nice!

You Atlanta people have elected quite a class act! Does she represent all of you or just the black community that is, even when committing a crime, being racially profiled and abused by The Man? And, it seems to me the whole incident was caused by, what police saw as, a person trying to evade a security checkpoint then refusing to stop when commanded to do so. Does the law not apply to her because she is, “a female black congresswoman,"?

And it has nothing to do with color. I’m guessing (though could be wrong) that the cop was white. Had the story been the opposite: white Congresswoman hits black cop, the media and the NAACP would be equating her to Hitler himself.

At the end of the day, she hit a cop. It isn’t profiling if she is breaking the law (and, as the article says, she wasn’t wearing her, “I’m a Congressman” lapel pin – and she had that hairdo; how could she possibly not be a crazed idiot trying to evade security?

Something About This Story Made Me Smile

A couple of weeks ago, in Toledo, Ohio, an abducted 14-year-old girl, finds hammer under car seat and vigorously introduces man's groin to the word NO!

(not girl from story. Just some girl with a picture of her holding a hammer.)

A 14-year-old girl told Toledo police she was abducted Tuesday by a man with a gun but got away with help from a hammer. Police said the quick-thinking teen found it in the man's car and used it to hit him in the groin. According to police, the man forced the girl into his car while she was walking to her school bus stop and said he wanted sex. So, she told him she had dropped her ring in the car and went searching for it. That's when she felt the hammer under her seat. Police said the girl told them she remembered a lesson from school to always search for a weapon in that kind of situation. She was not hurt and ran to her grandmother's house. The suspect is still being sought.

Interesting Numbers

I got an email that pointed out that on Wednesday of this week, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.

That won't ever happen again

But then I got another email that pointed out that back in the summer of 1990, the San Diego Padres started one of their afternoon games four seconds early. Their typical 12:35 p.m. start time was pushed back to 12:34:56 on 7-8-90.

And over the next several years, we will have:
02:03:04 05 - 06 - 07
03:04:05 06 - 07 - 08
04:05:06 07 - 08 - 09
05:06:07 08 - 09 - 10
06:07:08 09 - 10 - 11
07:08:09 10 - 11 - 12
08:09:10 11 - 12 - 13
09:10:11 12 - 13 - 14

In addition, in 2009, we will also have a 12:34:56 7/8/9

And all of those will occur twice on each date . . . unless you're in the military. ;)

Opening Day!

The Cubs are tied for first!

Baptism

I never cease to be amazed at the power of the word of God. I preached about the Great Commission today. I mentioned that Jesus said that baptism is part of the discipling process ("...baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit"). After services, a young man approached me and said, "I want to be baptized." He had never been to Cedar Creek before, but came to the conclusion that this is what he was supposed to do. If we will simply preach what the Bible says, without apology, there are still those who are willing to obey. Yay God!

A Blonde Takes Geometry

Final Four Weekend

Should be some good games to watch. I would love to see George Mason win it all.

Blaming the Dog

I don't know what is happening with our dog, but she has been letting some noxious woofers lately. Mrs. Soren and I will be watching t.v. and, out of nowhere, the green cloud of gagging gas will waft over us. Ay Caramba! What has that dog been eating?

But I do take offense when the Mrs. looks at me and says, "Was that you?"

Come on! Mine have never smelled like a half digested, toxic woodchuck has been slow-cooking in my intestines for a month. Good grief!

Report from the Summit

The Preaching Summit was great. I was challenged, encouraged, and motivated to become a better preacher. The speakers from the acapella branch of the brotherhood were especially good (David Fleer and Chris Seidman). And Dr. Wayne Shaw gave some sage wisdom from a seasoned veteran. The fellowship was good too.

The session on using humor was the most UNfunny of all the speeches. That in itself became humorous. The guy droned on & on; people were leaving in droves. He actually said, at one point, "This is even funnier when you read it in the original Hebrew." Ray Merritt and I chuckled about that session all the way home. I could imagine Dr. Shaw saying to his colleague, "Son, I've heard some duds in my day..."

Preaching Summit

I'm going to the National Preaching Summit today. Some of my friends started this event 11 years ago. It's all about training men to become better preachers. Last year, the leadership reigns were turned over to College Press. I'm not familiar with too many of the names in this year's line-up (several of them are from the acapella side of the brotherhood), but I'm sure the sessions will be excellent. An extra bonus is that I get to go with my father-in-law, Ray Merritt. It's always fun to spend time with him.

A Wrong Turn at Albuquerque

I was sick this weekend. Some sort of cold/flu/fever thing. So I pretty much vegged out on the couch and OD'd on College Basketball. But Saturday morning I came downstairs and my son was watching cartoons. He was watching something on WB called Loonatics Unleashed. I wasn't really paying that much attention, but then I realized that the characters looked familiar. It was Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Tazmanian Devil, Wile E. Coyote, and Road Runner. I said to my wife, "What have they done to these guys?" She said, "This is what it is now. They are some sort of superheroes." What the?! They have ruined the Looney Tunes guys. Another sign of the end times, I guess.

Bananas About Bananas

Bananas are just another proof that there is a God. Is there a more perfect fruit? Just peel and eat. Tasty and a great source of potassium.

Think of what bananas have given us:
The Banana Split
Banana Pudding
Banana Nut Bread
Banana and Peanut Butter Sandwiches
Banana Shakes
The Plain Banana

You gotta love bananas.

Fatherly Advice

Yesterday I preached about parenting. I shared this piece I got from Best Life magazine. It was in an article about reducing stress in man’s life. While not exactly known for deep, spiritual insight, I thought they got it right this time.

Dads, listen up, there are a few good tips here.

Stop explaining: If your kids ask you about the interaction between electromagnetism and gravity, by all means take a whack at teaching them physics. But do not, under any circumstances, explain to a 4-year-old why it’s important that he stop dancing on the dining room table. If he asks, just grab him by the arm in a way that will help him understand. Few things are more stressful than trying to persuade somebody who’s three feet tall that you know better than he does. You have authority because you are his father, not because you have more compelling debating points. Taking charge is much less stressful not only for you but for your kids too. They actually like having a gravitational center around which to find an orbit.

Pick the Cereal! Don’t ask your kids which of the 97 cereals – or any other consumer item they want. Buy a cereal. Feed it to them. If they don’t eat it, buy a different one, and so on until you get one they’ll eat. If you allow kids into every purchasing decision, you will slowly go insane.

Don’t make discipline an either-or choice: Lots of parents make the whole deal more stressful than it has to be by making good behavior a choice for kids. As in, “If you don’t clean up your room, we’re not going to the movies.” Then the child has to do a mental cost-benefit analysis, weighing the work of room cleaning versus the fun of seeing Chicken Little. Wrong. There is no “if you don’t.” He’s cleaning up his room. Period. End of sentence. This is not a multiple choice test.

A father (and mother) should love the children with everything they’ve got, but they should not be bringing third graders into the family brain trust.